That Don't Impress Me Much
by Maxie Kay
Summary: When Hetty wants to find out more about the team, she siezes on the brilliant notion of asking Nate and Nell for their insights.
1. Chapter 1

**That Don't Impress Me Much**

An NCIS: Los Angeles Fanfiction

by

Maxie Kay

_Being the newest member of the team, I thought it would be interesting to explore how Nell feels about her colleagues._

* * *

><p>Nate gestured courteously towards the chair with a welcoming smile, nicely judged to put his visitor at ease. "Please have a seat."<p>

"No couch?" She'd been expecting a couch, for some strange reason, but this just looked like a normal office. Well as normal as any office was in the Mission, which was decidedly eccentric. Or should that be eclectic? Anyway, it was quirky, that was for sure. Rather like the people who worked there.

"No couch," Nate agreed. "Just you and me having a chat."

"Mmm." Nell pursed her lips. "This is me, Nate. And you know me. So what's the real reason behind this cosy little, off-the-record chat?"

"Did I say it was off the record?" He looked enquiringly at her.

"That was the implication – wasn't it?" Nell loved these verbal games she and Nate indulged in; they were like the linguistic equivalent of chess.

"It might have been your perception, Nell. But that's different, isn't it? And it's your perceptions I want to talk about today."

"Okay." Nell wriggled in the chair until she found a comfortable position. "Well, coming here was kind of scary, especially my first day. You said you'd be here – and you weren't. So what happened?"

Nate sighed. "I said I'd try to be here, Nell. But it wasn't possible. Things happened. Work things."

"I do work for NCIS now" she reminded him. "So you can tell me. I've got clearance."

"You've not got that sort of clearance. Not yet," he amended quickly. Nell was exceptionally bright and there was no telling how far she might rise within the intelligence ranks, or how fast. "Anyway, I'm here now."

"Yes, you are. And it's really good to see a friendly face. How long did you say you were staying for?" she asked disingenuously.

"For as long as I'm needed." It was only with a considerable effort that Nate managed to stop himself from grinning at her persistence. Nell hadn't changed on little bit – and he hoped she never would. He thought everything about her was just perfect, exactly the way it was.

"Long enough to take me out to dinner?"

"Definitely long enough for that." Nate remembered the last time they'd spent together – the way the candlelight had made her hair gleam in the dark, the way her fingers had toyed with the single pink rose he'd given her. He could remember every single detail of that evening, and he replayed them over and over again in his head. Sometimes, when things were especially dark and he felt he'd been thrown into a maelstrom from which there was no escaping, it was only the thought of Nell that kept him going. That and the hope he would see her again and that they could take up where they had left off.

"I'm going to hold you to that promise." Nell reached out and touched his hand briefly. "I've really missed you, Nate."

"I've missed you too." Their gazes locked and for an instant it was as if it had only been days since their last meeting, not months. And Nate felt that this evening couldn't come quickly enough. "Anyway, back to business. Hetty wanted me to have a word with you."

"She doesn't like me, does she?" Nell said, and her shoulders drooped slightly. "I talk too much don't I? I told Eric it was because I had ADHD, but I don't think he believed me. It's just that…"

"Nell – you're talking too much."

"Sorry. It's just that my mind seems to go so fast and if I don't get the ideas out there, so that people can hear them, then I'm going to lose them. And some of my ideas are good - really good."

"You don't have to convince me – I'm your biggest fan. Who do you think recommended you for this job in the first place?"

"You're prejudiced, Nate."

"Maybe I am – slightly. But your record speaks for itself, Nell."

"That's not going to help if they don't like me," she said miserably.

"Who said anything about not liking you? They don't even know you. Give them a chance. And give yourself a chance. Just slow down a bit, that's all I'm saying."

"Eric doesn't like me. Sometimes he just looks at me. Like this." Nell arranged her features into her best impersonation of Eric looking as if he'd just stepped in dog poo, while in bare feet.

"Maybe he's just impressed and trying to keep up with you?" Nate struggled to keep a straight face. "Your level of intellect can be quite intimidating, you know."

"Not to Eric," Nell said firmly. "Have you ever seen him in Ops? He's like some sort of god in there. All the things he can do. I'll never be that good." She sighed enviously. "And they all respect him. The team, that is. They'll never respect me."

"If you keep on like this, then of course they won't. Nobody wants another Eric – because they've already got him. He's the technical support, you're the intelligence analyst. And it's only been a week. You've still got a lot to learn."

"I was fluent in Mandarin Chinese after a month," Nell reminded him.

"Stop setting yourself impossible targets. Just take things easy for a while. Give yourself a chance to settle down and make friends."

"Like that's going to happen. They all hate me, don't they? That's why I'm here, isn't it?" She knew this job was too good to be true, too good to last.

"On the contrary. Everyone seems very impressed with you. And that's not why you're here. I actually want to talk to you about them." Of all the cunning plans Hetty Lang had ever come up with in her time (and she had come up with hundreds, if not thousands, most of which were still classified, as far as Nate knew), this was possibly the sneakiest and most devious. It had the added benefit of being incredibly simple.

"I hardly know them," Nell protested.

"Exactly." Nate steepled his fingers together and regarded her blandly. "First impressions count. I want to hear all about your perceptions of the team – tell me about how you see them."

Nell began to feel a little calmer, especially now she knew she wasn't about to be ceremoniously escorted from the building and branded a failure. Rumour had it that Hetty had some slight problems with previous post-holders. "You want me to tell you about the team? What I think about them? What I _really_ think about them?"

"Exactly." Nate hadn't missed the gleeful undertone to her voice. It looked like this was going to be very interesting indeed.

"As long as this doesn't get back to them. You've got to promise me that, Nate."

"I promise." Oh yes, this was definitely going to be interesting, he thought.

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><p><em>There's clearly a Nate and Nell backstory, judging from the tiny hint dropped in Lockup. So I decided to expand on the premise that they are old friends -and maybe even something a little more.<em>

_Hope you enjoy this story. Reviews are like chocolate - I can never have too many of one or too much of the other!_


	2. Chapter 2

"We-elll," Nell began hesitantly. "How about I start with Eric?"

"That would be a good place to start. You've worked most closely with him, after all."

"About Eric. What can I say?"

"Why don't you start off by telling me what you thought when you first met him?" Nate suggested.

Nell looked at him incredulously. "Do you really have to ask me that? I took one look at him and thought I should just turn right around and get out while I still could."

"So you were intimidated?" he probed.

"No, I was terrified. Would you want to be left alone in a room with no windows and a door without any handles – left alone with a guy dressed like Eric?"

"I see what you mean." Over the years, Nate had kind of got used to Eric's eccentric dress sense, but he could see how it might strike a newcomer.

"He looked like one of those guys they used to warn us about at school." Nell was warming to her topic now. "The ones who wait in their cars outside the school gates. Sitting there with their hands in their pockets and a smile on their face."

"But Eric's nothing like that!" Nate was horrified at the direction this was taking. He knew Nell's mind could take some unusual twists and turns, but this was beyond strange. "Nell, you can't go around making accusations like that, just based on the way someone dresses."

"Oh, I know he's not a pervert – now. But you asked what I thought when I first met him, and that's what I thought. I took one look at him and thought 'pervert'. But I don't think that any more," she added hastily. "I just think he's got really, really bad dress sense. Maybe you could have a word with him?" She looked at Nate who was wearing a checked shirt and a tweed jacket and changed her mind. "Or maybe not. But you should have a word with Hetty about him. Tell her she should make Eric wear long pants. And socks. For starters."

"Moving onto work," Nate said, desperate not to let Nell start to critique his own clothes or to find any other orders he should give to Hetty. "How do you find working with Eric? Did you find his level of knowledge and expertise intimidating?"

"I've known a few guys who thought they were pretty smart. Of course, most of them weren't anywhere near as smart as me – they just thought they were. But Eric actually is quite smart." It hurt her to admit it, but Nell had this sneaking feeling might even be smarter than she was. Not that she would ever dream of saying that out loud. "But the thing is… " She looked at Nate helplessly.

"He makes you feel inadequate? That's perfectly natural, Nell .You've got to remember you've only been here for a very short period of time and you've still got a lot to learn." Nell was so smart it was sometimes easy to forget how young she still was, he thought fondly. Poor little thing, she must have felt so out of her depth. But never mind, he could help her to find a way forward, steer her through these troubled waters to a safe harbour. Preferably in his arms.

"Of course he doesn't make me feel inadequate, Nate. He makes me mad." Nell folded her arms, leant back in the chair and fixed Nate with a steely glare. "You see, most guys have to prove they're smarter than women – any woman. No matter if he's a bonehead and she's a Nobel Prize winner. It must be something to do with testosterone, I think. Either that or they're too stupid to know how stupid they are."

"Alright." Nate was beginning to feel dizzy as he tried to follow her logic. He was pretty sure Freud never had this sort of problem with his patients. But then 21st century LA was hardly _fin de siècle_ Vienna after all, which was a pity in a lot of ways. Life must have been so much simpler back then. "So, Eric makes you mad – because he's not stupid?" Okay, he was grasping at straws here.

"No, of course not. That wouldn't be logical. You really should listen a bit more closely, Nate. Eric makes me mad because he always has to be right. He's really a very controlling sort of person, you know. It's lucky that I'm the opposite. I've often thought that maybe I'm too easy-going for my own good and that I should be a bit more assertive."

Nate was beginning to wonder if he should maybe go and get his hearing tested. "Some people might say that Eric was actually the epitome of laid back?" he suggested tentatively.

"Then they'd be wrong, wouldn't they? Eric doesn't want to hear anything that doesn't agree with his perception of things. He's very stubborn and he's convinced he's always right. " Seeing the incredulous expression on Nate's face, Nell halted her diatribe. "Are you alright? Because you look like you might be choking on something."

"I'm fine," Nate managed, and took a long drink of water.

"He's such a know-it-all. You'd think he was the only person ever to work in this area – but I've got much better credentials, and I'm sure if he'd just stop and listen to me for one minute he'd realise that I'm usually right in most things. The important things, that is. But he won't even give me a chance and it just drives me up the wall."

"Have you finished?" Nate said faintly

"I've finished. For now. But it's not like he's a rocket scientist or anything."

"As far as you know," Nate suggested gently. "Do you actually know anything about Eric – Eric the man, I mean? Anything about what he likes? His tastes in music maybe? What kind of car he drives?" Nell looked at him blankly. "Have you ever talked to him about anything except work?"

"No. And when I do talk to him about work and tell him what he's doing wrong, he won't listen. But I already said this, Nate. You should pay more attention. I'm not criticising you or anything like that, don't get me wrong. But really, it's not very professional of you."

"I think we might have a slight communication problem here." Suddenly, Nate felt as if he had to get out of the room before his head exploded. "How about we bring this to an end and see about getting that dinner?"

"That would be great. And tomorrow you can tell Eric that he should listen to me and do what I tell him? Oh, and tell him that when I want to use his keyboard, it's easier if he moves his hands out of the way." Nell beamed happily across the desk. "I knew I could rely on you, Nate."

Somehow, this session had veered rather wildly off-track, Nate realised. And he'd been powerless to do anything to halt the headlong rush of Nell's rollercoaster series of thoughts. He'd have to do some more preparation for the next meeting, so he could keep a tighter hand on the reins. After he'd been to see Eric, of course, and offer him some counselling. The poor man must be suffering from PTSD and selective deafness after being confined in the same room as Nell for over a week.


	3. Chapter 3

"I've never actually had oysters before," Nell said, regarding the platter with obvious unease.

"Try one," Nate coaxed, and picked up a choice specimen from its bed of crushed ice. "Some people add a little lemon juice, or even a dash of tabasco, but to start off with, just take it as it comes." He held out the shell invitingly and Nell reached out a tentative hand.

"I just swallow, right?"

"You just swallow. It's easy. There's nothing to be afraid of."

She reached out and their fingers touched briefly.

"It seems such a waste – just to swallow it straight down like that."

"It'll be worth it. Believe me."

Looking into his eyes, Nell felt she could trust Nate with anything and it was the easiest thing just to tip back her head and let the oyster slip into her mouth and linger there for just a second before swallowing. "It tastes like the sea!" she exclaimed in delight.

"Exactly. And this is the perfect accompaniment." With a flourish, Nate waved forward a waiter, who poured two glasses of champagne.

"If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trying to seduce me," Nell giggled. For a split second, Nate's face revealed a surprisingly vulnerability, but then it was gone as suddenly as it had appeared.

"I just wanted to give you a pleasant evening." He'd planned everything so carefully, leaving nothing to chance. He wanted this to be perfect, to show Nell how much he cared.

"Oh, you are - and it is." Nell wished she could stop and think before she spoke; her mother was always telling her to count to ten and then count back down to one, but sometimes she just couldn't help herself. It seemed she was doomed to annoy Eric and hurt Nate – and she wouldn't have done that for the earth. "Can I have another one?" she asked, keen to make amends.

"You can have whatever you want." Sometimes Nate wondered if people ever saw past the exterior appearance to the man beneath. Sometimes he didn't want to know what they saw, if indeed they did just that. Sometimes it was better not to know and to just keep on dreaming.

* * *

><p>"So - Kensi and Deeks." It was morning and a sense of lingering regret still floated nebulously around Nate's head.<p>

"Why does everyone call him Deeks?" Nell asked curiously.

"Because that's his name?" They had only just begun and already she was running rings around him, Nate thought.

"I get why everyone calls Callen 'Callen', on account of the fact he doesn't have any other names, but why don't they call Deeks 'Marty'? It doesn't make sense. But then, neither does Deeks, a lot of the time."

Oh my God, she's started to answer her own questions, Nate thought incredulously. _Soon she'll be able to analyse herself and then I'll be totally superfluous. Then she'll take over OSP, then NCIS and from then it's a short step to total world domination.._

"It just doesn't seem very fair," Nell continued. "Not very friendly. And he's a friendly sort of guy. Even if Kensi doesn't seem to like him very much."

"Really?"

"Really. Have you heard the things she says to him? If I was Deeks, I'd want to smack her."

"Maybe she does?"

"No." Nell was very definite about that. "She might say mean things to him, but her mouth says one thing and her body says another."

"Excuse me?" It was a good thing he was sitting down, Nate thought. It didn't seem quite right to hear Nell speaking like this.

"You just take a good look at Kensi. Look at how she looks at Deeks. She wants him."

"She's already got him. They're partners."

"Maybe she wants to be more than partners? Maybe she just wants him? Period."

Nate knew how she felt. He knew exactly how Kensi felt. "And what about Deeks? How do you think he feels about Kensi?"

"Oh, he definitely wants to feel her. All over. Don't you want to tell them to get a room and just get on with it? I do."

"Don't. Don't say anything, Nell. Not to either of them. You've got to promise me that." Nate was suddenly very afraid of what Kensi might do to her. Deeks would probably just make some sort of remark and try to brush it off, but Kensi would go beserk. Mainly because it was true. Everyone knew it – except the agents concerned.

"Of course I won't say anything. I'm not entirely tactless, you know."

"Tell what you first thought about Kensi," Nate suggested. He knew better than to respond to her last statement. That was going to have to be approached very carefully. Possibly while wearing body armour.

"Confident. Very very very confident. Scarily confident."

"You were scared of Kensi?"

Nell nodded. "Of yes. If you were me –wouldn't you be? I mean, come on Nate – I look like a little girl next to her. Like some Shetland pony standing next to a racehorse or something." Working with Kensi brought back all Nell's latent insecurities. "Who wouldn't want to look like Kensi?"

"I wouldn't change a single thing about the way you look," Nate said, with total sincerity.

"I would." Nell completely missed the subtest. "Girls like me dream of looking like Kensi. And she knows that. She knows how good she looks and she wants everyone else to know it. It's like she's always got a mirror in her pocket just so she can keep checking that she still looks great." _And the really annoying this is that she always does look great._

"Kensi's the least vain woman I know. Except for you, of course. And Hetty."

"Nate – let me ask you this – how often does Kensi go to the gym?"

"Every day."

"What size jeans does she wear?"

"Size two." Too late, Nate realised what was happening. Nell's loquaciousness seemed to be catching.

"And you know this how? Because she told you, right? Just like she tells everyone." Nell hated the gym and confined her exercise to cycling on her push bike. And she certainly wasn't about to tell anyone what size jeans she wore, far less that she got them from children's department at Gap. "And I just feel so inadequate beside her. Who wants to be smart when they can be gorgeous and kick ass?" _Not me, that's for sure. Just once I want to have a guy look at me the way Deeks looks at Kensi. Just once. That's not asking for much is it?_

"I don't have the answer to that one." But Nate knew exactly how she felt. There were times when he looked at Kensi and Deeks, and at Callen and Sam and he felt like he was right back at school again, getting his butt kicked while the cool kids walked by and didn't even know he existed. People were shallow, he knew that – but it didn't help when you were surrounded by physical perfection.

"And she gets to work with Deeks as well. On top of everything else – she gets Deeks and she pretends she doesn't even want him. Ooh – I could bite chunks out of her. I really could." _I really like Kensi. I want to be Kensi, but seeing that isn't going to happen, I'd like to be friends with her._

"Do you like Deeks then?" Nate wasn't sure that he wanted to hear the answer to that question. Maybe he should stop this session right now and get out with a few remaining shreds of dignity still intact?

* * *

><p><em>And yes - the inspiration for this did indeed come from the Shania Twayne song!<em>


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